Growing our children

 

As Spring is in bloom, flowers are bursting with their color and fragrance. If you drive along Stephenson Avenue, in Harrison, you are likely to see something different popping up from the ground. Pinwheel gardens are blooming at Grandma’s House Children’s Advocacy Center and all over Arkansas.

These gardens are established by the hands of those currently working, throughout our state, to prevent child abuse. With April being National Child Abuse Prevention Month, they are set out as a reminder that each of us can and does have a hand in protecting children throughout Arkansas.

                Grandma’s House Children’s Advocacy Center volunteers were assisted by the Boone County Crowns Club with “planting” the “pinwheel garden”. There are 183 pinwheels in the garden to represent each confirmed case of child abuse and neglect in Boone County last year, as reported by the Department of Human Services. The banner behind the pin wheels reads, “There is no excuse for child abuse. Pin wheel= 1 TRUE child abuse case in our county last year.”

Like flowers in a garden, our children are fragile and deserving of the greatest care. Consider how you can assist in preventing child abuse, by providing a caring and nurturing environment not only for your own family, but for our collective family.

You can help those of us working in the garden by fortifying our tools; through volunteering, sharing new ideas, lending your networks, making introductions, hosting activities, attending events, being a sponsor, making in-kind donations, and committing financial support.

Throughout the month of April, look for stands outside Wal-Mart Super Center and Hudson's Grocery for information regarding child abuse prevention and information regarding Grandma's House Children's Advocacy Center. Also, we will have a children’s memorial flag on display at the Boone county court house and Harrison Fire Department. We appreciate the local officials for supporting us to bring awareness to the community. On April 25, 2012, at 12:00pm, we would like to invite the entire community to our Chamber of Commerce ribbon cutting and open house. Come take a tour Grandma's House and learn about the work we are doing here for local child abuse victims.

 

We would like to say thank you and invite everyone to visit The Cake Shop, which is located on 218 West Stephenson Avenue, on April 25^th. They will have Sugar Cookies for child abuse awareness for sale all day. We would like to say thank you to the following for their donations to help Child Abuse Awareness Month to be a success; Gecko Grafix for helping make our Pinwheels for Prevention banners and each business who put up a slogan about Child Abuse Awareness month on their marque.

A Children’s Advocacy Center cannot stand up by itself.  This year Grandma’s House Children’s Advocacy Center was honored to be supported by the United Way of Boone County. It will take the support and involvement of all members of the community to assist the children’s advocacy center. Together, we can cultivate a better today and tomorrow for our children.  

 

Talking to Children and Teens

Information from " Stop It Now"

Experience has taught us that actions by adults can be more effective than expecting kids to protect themselves from sexual abuse. Still, we know that children^* also need accurate, age-appropriate information about child sexual abuse and confidence that adults they know will support them.

Clear communication is a cornerstone of effective prevention. Make sure other adults and older children understand the expectations kids will have of them and how their cooperation will help keep kids safe.

When teaching kids about others' behavior towards them

Use concrete examples

Remember that in as many as http://email09.secureserver.net/csa_fact_who_abuse">90% of situations where a child is sexually harmed, the child (and often their family) knows the adult, youth or child who is acting in a sexually inappropriate way. When talking with kids about child sexual abuse, use examples and situations that make that reality clear. (For example, "What if you are at a friend’s house and her older brother asks you to play a game that makes you feel weird or uncomfortable or involves something like touching or taking off your clothes?" "Sometimes relatives, like grandparents or uncles or cousins, don't understand the rules and touch kids in ways they’re not supposed to. If that ever happens, be sure to tell Mom or Dad or another adult you trust so that we can help that person learn the rules.")

Model healthy boundaries^{http://www.stopitnow.org/glossary/term/269">i}

Sometimes we unintentionally confuse kids by insisting they hug Grandma even when they don't want to, or by saying , "Do whatever the babysitter tells you to do." Help your children practice setting healthy boundaries^{http://www.stopitnow.org/glossary/term/269">i}. When children tell us they don't want to hug and kiss everyone at a family gathering, support them by helping them find another way to show respect to family members (such as shaking hands, high fives, saying goodbye). Model saying "no" and assure your children that their "no" will be respected. If others disrespect or ignore your child's limits, it’s your job to explain your family rules and insist on your child's rights to set boundaries^{http://www.stopitnow.org/glossary/term/269">i}.

Talk about touch

When talking with children about touch, remember that sexual touch can be very confusing. In a strictly physical sense, sexual touch can feel good and for a victim of sexual abuse, this can create more shame and confusion about the situation. "If my body responded this way, this must mean that I liked it and wanted it to happen." Many families prefer to talk about "secret" touch or touch that makes a child uncomfortable. "It is not OK for anyone to touch you in any way that makes you feel uncomfortable—not Mom, Dad, aunts, uncles, teachers or even your friends. Your body is yours and yours alone and you always have a right to say no to someone."

Explain about tricks

Some people who sexually abuse children use tricks or bribes to keep kids from telling. The abusive person might promise a gift or allow a forbidden privilege; or they might tell the child that it is their fault or that no one will believe them, or that if the child tells anyone they will hurt their family or pet, etc. Explain these tricks to your children and reassure them that you can handle the situation, even if they didn’t object to the sexual interaction at the time. "As your parent, aunt, guardian, I will always be here to keep you safe and will always believe you and love you." "If someone touches you in an uncomfortable way it is never your fault." "They just tell you that to trick you."

Involve other adults

Children need to know that there are other adults in whom they can confide. Sometimes children are afraid that they will "get in trouble" if they tell their parents about something that happened. This fear can be reinforced by the person who is harming them. Help your children to realize that there are other adults who can help them if they don't want to talk to Mom or Dad or if Mom or Dad is doing something that concerns them. Ask "If you don't feel comfortable talking to me about something, who else can you talk to?" or "What if something happens at school, church, the park, who could you talk to?"

Be approachable

By initiating conversations about healthy sexual boundaries^{http://www.stopitnow.org/glossary/term/269">i}, by answering questions accurately and respectfully, by handling disclosures calmly and reassuringly, you send the message that you are someone your child (or other children you care about) can talk to even when something has already happened.

When teaching kids about their behavior towards others

Don’t miss a real prevention opportunity

In more than 30 percent of child sexual abuse cases, a child is sexually harmed by someone under 18 years old, frequently by another child or adolescent who may not fully understand the impact of their actions. Most parents talk with their children about how to keep themselves safe from others who may sexually harm them. We also need to talk to our children about why it is so important for them not to harm others. "Just like it is not OK for you to hit and hurt other people, it is not OK for you to use tricks or force to touch other people in a way that makes them uncomfortable."

Learn about child development

Children are born as healthy sexual beings. Just as they are curious about bugs, airplanes and animals, they will be curious about their bodies and other people's bodies. As parents, it is very helpful to be knowledgeable about healthy sexual development so we are able to tell the difference between expected behaviors and behaviors that may be cause for concern.

Clarify the rules

When you find your child exploring his or her own body or playing "doctor" with another child, calmly acknowledge what you've seen and set clear expectations. "It looks like you and Janie are comparing your bodies. Now get dressed. And remember, even though it fees good to take our clothes off, we keep our clothes on when we're playing." If a child continues behaviors after you've set clear limits, you may want to talk with a professional. To find information, guidance and resources, visit our http://email09.secureserver.net/results/start">Online Help Center, http://GetHelp.StopItNow.org href="http://gethelp.stopitnow.org/">http://GetHelp.StopItNow.org or for help in finding a professional, see our http://email09.secureserver.net/resources_treatment">Resources for Specialized Therapy.

Age of consent: special concerns for teens

Teens need information not only about child sexual abuse but also about the laws of consent in their state. As our judicial system holds more teens responsible as adults, there are significant and long-lasting results for teens who engage in illegal sexual behaviors, even with other teens who are close in age. "I know you and your girlfriend love each other but you are 19 years old and she is 15 and that makes being sexual with each other illegal. If she gets pregnant or her parents press charges, you could have to register as a sex offender^{http://www.stopitnow.org/glossary/term/258">i} for the rest of your life. It is important for both of you to wait until you are older."

*A note on terms: Stop It Now! uses the terms “child,” “children” or “kids” interchangeably to mean those persons under the age of 18.
The terms “children and adolescents (or teens)” may be used in instances where it is important to emphasize the differences between children age 12 and under (“children”) and age 13 or older (“adolescent,” “teens” or “teenagers.”)

Learn more

Resources for talking with children about child sexual abuse prevention

• Friedman, Norman. (2006) Inoculating your children against sexual abuse: What every parent should know.  http://booksurge.com/" target=_blank>Booksurge.com
• Hindman, Jan. (1998) A very touching book. Baker City, OR: http://janhindman.com/order.shtml" target=_blank>AlexAndria Associates.
• Wurtele, Sandy and Feather Berkower. (2010) Off limits: A parent's guide to keeping kids safe from sexual abuse. Brandon, VT:http://safersociety.org/" target=_blank> Safer Society Press.

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http://email09.secureserver.net/family_safety_plan">Create Your Family Safety Plan

http://email09.secureserver.net/dont_wait_everyday_prevention">Don’t Wait: Everyday Actions to Keep Kids Safe

 

Angel Kisses

 A shy little girl walked through the doors of the children's advocacy center hiding behind her mothers arm. Her little hand pointed out from behind her mom as she spotted our two yellow cats, Gertie and Pumpkin. The girls little face lit up and she began to ask about our kitties. I asked the little girl who had freckles across her nose,"Have you ever seen a cat with freckles?" I showed her Gertie's freckled nose. Her mother said someone had told the little girl her freckles were ugly. I stated I thought Gertie's freckles made her unique. It made her look different than her sister. The little girls mother then stated a lady had once told her they were angle kisses. I hugged Gertie and said, "Gertie...YOU'VE ANGEL KISSES!!! The little girl and the kitty made fast friends after the common connection was made.

 

 Grandma's House Children's Advocacy Center specialize in working with child abuse victims.  We have made serving children our only priority. It is the goal of our CAC to reduce trauma to child abuse victims in our region by providing a warm, comfortable, child friendly, home-like environment that is a physically and psychologically safe place for child abuse victims.

 

It is the small things which make our little place home, if just for the time they are receiving services at the children's advocacy center, for the children we serve. We know we have done our job we they ask if they can come back and see us and our freckled friends.

 

Its a crying shame

 

      Four children were taken into foster care late one night. The home they were taken out of had a methaphetamine lab, no food, mold on the walls and dirt all on the floor. As the investigator came into the home, she saw all four of these little children sitting on the couch with dirty faces and dirty little are feet hanging off the edge of the couch. Hearing her recollection of the event was heart wrenching to say the least. If that was not enough, these children were split apart. Two children went to one county across the state and the other two children were taken to the oposite side of the state. The reason for this is the lack of foster homes in our local counties. At times these children are driven hours away or even out of state to find a safe place for them to sleep. To me, that is a crying shame. I know we have caring, loving homes right here. People who would be willing to take in these precious little ones. To keep them in the schools they are attending. To keep them together. Haven't they already lost enough without loosing each other?

    Department of Human Services hold meetings to help people learn how to become foster parents. There are times when no one comes...no one. We can know longer allow this. Talk to people. Your friends. Your clubs. Your church. Lets fill up these meeting halls and let these kids know someone cares about them. If we don't, that my friend is a crying shame. 
    Baxter, Boone, Marion,and Searcy Counties' DHS/DCFS staff have scheduled informational inquiry meetings about foster care and adoption, and to provide an opportunity for families to begin the process of approval. Prosepctive foster parents and adoption applicants of all counties are encouraged to attend the meeting place most convenient for them. Contact your local DHS office for information on the next meeting.The meetings aim to answer questions about foster care and adoption, and to provide an opportunity for families to begin the process of approval.

Water works

 When choosing our "home", we couldn't have dreamed how useful each space would be. After one of our multiple disciplinary team meeting, the Department of Children and Families supervisor discussed with me a problem they were encountering. At times, children who are taken in to care have not had bathes in awhile or have been exposed to methamphetamine, possibly need head lice treatment and clean clothes. The DHS facility did not have bathing facilities. I could see the light bulb go off for the supervisor as I showed him our two and a half baths. We agreed it would be a perfect match. Only a few short days after I found a note on the door as I came into work I found a note on our door which read,"Michelle, we have seven children who have been taken into care. They have head lice. Would it be possible to bring them into for baths today." When the children came in they were timid and shy. After they had taken their baths and put on their new clothes and shoes they looked like shiny new pennies with big smiles on their little faces. Through community donations we have collected hygiene items and provide each of these children with their own care bag. These are the moments I am most humbly proud to be a part of this work. Little did we know when we picked our new home all the plans that were in the water works.